didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize