I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
