The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
