We won't sleep together?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
