so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Everything about him screamed your future.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
