I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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