You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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