It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
