Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
