This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
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I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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