you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
