My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
