Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
