She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
