You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My cat gives me a boner
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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