love makes seman taste better
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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