man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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