So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
