I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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