It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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