Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
