I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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