i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize