im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
