Dude my mom stole all your condoms
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
BRING THE BAGELS
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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