so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
