Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
