i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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