i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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