Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
