i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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