I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
