Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
