maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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