I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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