I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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