Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
