So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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