sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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