I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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