Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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