I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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