The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
"it" just moved
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize