is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
