OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
