Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
