Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
