I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
