I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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