i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
