I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
