Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
