before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
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drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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