he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
