Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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