I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
