On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
too bad you live with your parents still
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
