don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
