I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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