is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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