Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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