just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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