Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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