Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
