if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
