Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
