I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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