just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
