I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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