i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
