Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
