Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
